Well hey there readers, I know it has been a minute since my last post!
Sorry, I was busy getting married!! Busy times. But now I’m back.
Today’s post is a little more personal, enjoy!
Because I’m feeling inspired and we all know I love a sappy post every now and again.
Someone out there may need this. I saw one of my facebook posts from two years ago and it almost made me cry.
Two years ago today is what I typically identify as the worst day of my life. I was in the middle of moving out of my house that I needed to be out of that day. I couldn’t afford the rent on the place on my own, and I didn’t even have a new house or apartment yet. I had two small kids who were 3 and 6 months old, and my daughter at this time was still very sick. So sick in fact, that no day care could watch her at the time.
I shoved what I could of our belongings into the cheapest storage shed, meaning we got rid of a lot of our stuff. My three year old cried as most of his toys and personal items were left behind, and I could not give him a solid answer on when we would be back to get them out.
That same day, my car broke down. I barely got it to a shop to be fixed, praying it would be something quick (it wasn’t). I sat in the lobby for a while trying to find a ride home. Finally a mechanic offered me a ride home, and took me to my empty house.
The landlord came by and said we weren’t getting our deposit back. I had no will left to argue. I told them I would leave by the end of the day and handed over my keys.
My son asked me where we were going to live, and I lost it. I sat on the floor of my old bedroom, now empty.. held my babies and cried like never before. Like loud ugly crying.
I failed in every way. I dropped my classes for the semester because there was no way I could do them at the time. We were tight on money but I would miss days at work because it was hard to find people to watch my kids. I wanted so badly to keep our house but it just wasn’t possible. I went and stayed at my sisters for a week or two and then my now dear friend, Tanya… who barely knew me at the time took me and my kids in.
That depression took a long, long time to crawl out of. I hated myself. I hated my life. I felt bad that my kids had to go through it all with me.
So, why tell you about this day?
Because this morning I woke up in my warm house, to my fantastic husband kissing me goodbye for work. I got up and did some work myself, at a job that I enjoy and also allows me to be home with my kids. My happy, healthy children who are now 2 and 5 came running into my bedroom to tell me good morning. I’m going to graduate college this year. (My car still sucks but hey…. I’ve accepted that) I’ve made amends with people who hurt me, and I’d say my mental health is in the best place it’s ever been.
In fact, I think we will all wear pajamas all day today and watch movies… & love on my kiddos a little extra today.
It gets better. Give yourself time. Learn to let go of the things that hurt you.. not because anyone deserves your forgiveness, but you deserve to heal. Learn to enjoy your own company. Some of my best ideas come from my time alone. Be kind to yourself, everyone makes mistakes, just not everyone admits to them. You only get one life, don’t make yourself miserable thinking you should have it all together. I believe those of us who struggle can come back stronger than ever before. Never give up.